From Me to Mom
A New Responsibility & Lifestyle
Summary
- You can’t plan everything, but you can prepare for a lot
- Use your community to gain some skills
- Learn some newborn-care skills before baby arrives
- Reevaluate what’s important
- Allow Motherhood to change you
Before your new baby is in your arms is a great time to gain skills and get a (little) sense of reality. No amount of planning will prepare you for the impact of sleep-deprivation and that 24/7/365 sense of obligation. Planning can’t prepare you for what is to come. Fortunately, you are about to learn the profound fulfillment parenting can bring. New babies bring chuckles and tears, sighs and coos whether you’re the stay-at-home mom or the back-to-work one.
- Those Notorious Babies. You may have read every baby book on the market or none at all, but either way, life as you know it will change in unexpected ways. Yes, you will be in the throes of new sleep schedules, elusive meals, and overflowing diaper pails. Like any other person, all babies have their own patterns and needs. Knowing what to expect helps a lot, but remaining flexible will be your best friend and your baby’s biggest comfort.
- Pretend You’re an Intern. If you don’t have baby-care in your treasure trove of life experiences, use your community to give you skills. Never discount community support. Consider hanging out with parents of very young babies and ask to hold, change, or entertain those little humans. Having some diapering experience will mean one less skill to learn when you’re on full-time Mommy duty. Talk to your friends or other community parents about how they adjusted, learned, and rethought their expectations.
- Date Night and Other Chuckles. Especially in the beginning, adult life and typical expectations just don’t fit the demands of your new feeding shifts, your messy clothes or the burning question, “When did I shower last?” Eating, sleeping, intimacy, and entertainment priorities will definitely shift and you’ll probably need some creative thinking to (eventually) fit them all in. But many parents fall so in love with their new baby that what used to be important just isn’t. If you can and want to get out while your baby’s safely cared for, short excursions refresh your spirit and relationship. Just remember, the best-laid plans will probably be interrupted while you stop and burp your baby.
- Is This Really Me? New moms often want to snuggle in and be the new version of themselves. Others long to get back to a diaper-free zone with adults to talk to. Some moms I have met could hardly wait for adult-work interaction while others were longing to be at home. Life rarely gives us a choice. Respect the pull, realizing that most of us will soon adapt. Many women are surprised to realize they want the opposite of what they’d planned. The truth is, babies change lives and you can only decide which version is right for you once you’ve experienced it. Be flexible in adapting personal expectations of who you are compared to who you were pre-baby. Small steps help: can you work part-time so you can talk about business profits instead of feeding schedules for a few hours, or can you get a time-off extension so you can spend more time smelling your baby’s adorable scent? Circumstances allowing, such changes may make you happier. And regardless of the situation, if you don’t seem to be getting happier, speak to your doctor. Such feelings are real and deserve to be addressed.
Your new and unique lifestyle is a mothering blend of baby + you + existential demands. Allow yourself to be surprised.
